Thursday, January 6, 2011

Fraying At The Edges

You all can think I am a horrible parent if you want but I really really REALLY want some time away from my kids. (am I the only one that ever thinks that?) Don't get me wrong I love them, I would do anything for them, they mean everything to me. But I haven't been away from my kids for more then a couple hours at a time, 5 at the most! I was away from Keilei for maybe 24 hrs year before last at girls camp while I was pregnant with Rush. And I was away from Keilei for 3 days when I was in the hospital having Rush. I missed her and couldn't wait to see her again but I was too busy with Rush and trying to sleep to think about it much. But that is it that is the most I have ever been away from my kids.But I have never been away from Rush & Keilei.
Sean is away for days at a time, then he comes home and wonders why I am at the end of my rope. It is hard to be around 2 little kids 24/7 & no husband and never have a break, a real good sized break, where I can do what I WANT to do instead of what needs to be done. Am I being to selfish?
Maybe it is because I am just getting off my period but I just feel like bawling all day long and I have no patience with my kids. Sean is SO busy doing stuff with the house, more then he needs to do(he picks up their garbage, cleans up their messes, takes their trash to the dump, brings them lunch, gets them drinks, sits and talks to them while the are working, etc) so even on his days off I only see him for a couple minutes at a time..literally. Then he wonders why I don't just sit and relax at night with him once the kids are in bed. That is the ONLY time I have to do what I want/need to get done, I can't just sit there and do nothing then I just have to worry about getting more stuff done the next day.
I am fraying at the edges.
Then to add to that I just started weight watchers for the first time so now I have to think way too much about what I am eating and then try and figure out my points and stuff. I really don't think I have the brain power to do that right now. We will hopefully be moving into our new house in a couple weeks & I have to worry about packing everything with two little kids following me around and making mess out of what I just did.....
....I just feel like bawling:(


Missy said...

I can totally understand where you are coming from! It's hard being a mom. As much of a blessing it is be able to stay at home with them, you still need time for yourself, and cleaning the house when they are asleep doesnt' count as time for yourself. I don't know if you are still nursing Rush, but it's hard to get away when your kids are dependent on you being there.

Can you schedule some time for you to get away for a while, go shopping or have a girls night out at a friends house? Can your parents or a friend watch the kids for you? Definitely give yourself a break and soon! You deserve it!

The Hoxsies said...

i am sending you a hug! i totally know what you mean, being a mom is hard and as much as they try, husbands just don't get it. i wish i lived closer, i would come help you pack up your house or watch your kids. just know i feel your pain. i just tell my self "don't worry you will get a break in about 30 years" and then i feel better. ;)